Duck and Cover

I had a very odd experience at work tonight....the two women who sit on either side of me (one straight, one transgendered) both asked me for the name and number of a good MFT for couples' counseling. (-!-)
I'm a little alarmed. It seems that we in the chorus are going through a period of relationship issues (hence the title), as several other long-term relationships seem to be foundering as well as my friends'. I say 'we' merely as a way of grouping...I would LIKE to have relationship issues, but that requires being in a RELATIONSHIP, doesn't it? Oh. Wait. No, it doesn't--the fact that I'm not IN a relationship seems to be its own issue (but I won't bore you outright with my neuroses, shall I? I'll merely allude to them from time to time, and you can find out the real depth of my fucked-uppedness when you read about my spectacular--yet utterly amusing and fascinating, of course--psychotic break in the papers some random evening)...never mind that men seem to not be exactly throwing themselves at me of late*--in fact, one might say they're throwing themselves AWAY from me...
At any rate, I find it utterly amusing (in a laugh-until-you-cry sort of manner, mais oui) that my colleagues seem to think of me as some sort of wise elder--ah, she's been through this before, let's ask HER for references!--then again, it may just be that my delusions of grandeur are at it again, and they're just asking me because--ah, she's fucked up, I'll bet she knows lots of therapists!
OR, maybe it's that celestial aura I give off, that sense of "Ah...she's managed to come to a place of zen oneness with the Universe, as well as being over thirty and unmarried (always suspect if one is a woman, even in this so-called advanced day and age), and doesn't NEED a man in her life to find wholeness, and therefore, she's much more knowledgeable about relationships in general...."
Really, people. Has it occurred to any of you that I just CAN'T get laid to save my life, and am a complete disaster in relationships? And if you want a therapist, for fuck's sake, look one up in the Yellow Pages.
After all, that's what I did.

OK, now I'm depressed....I'm going to have a drink.
Meh.



*'of late'??? Who am I kidding? Try since Duran Duran ruled the airwaves...oh wait. Never mind--they didn't go after me then either...