Party Flavors

In a little less than a month, yours truly has the honor of turning forty. Not that that, in itself, is a source of stress--I've always been a late bloomer, and my attitude, after all the years of hard-earned wisdom, is along the lines of "Honey, you couldn't PAY me to be twenty again!" Honestly, I can't wait to see what my forties will bring...

But I decided to throw myself un petit soiree (since nobody else is gonna do it FOR me...). It's been marvelous fun planning it, making up menus and so forth....but the guest list has been a source of unending fun (tongue FIRMLY planted in cheek as I write).
It began when I mistakenly sent out the email invitations under the wrong e-moniker, evincing cries of "RebelWHO???" from the masses, and necessitating a SECOND emailing telling people "no, no, it's really ME!" and a THIRD email to most explaining that, no, this wasn't my NEW email address, just a throwaway for commercial websites (like the one I was using for the invitations) so that I wouldn't be deluged with spam at my home address, and that the familiar address they all knew and loved was still good, and....oh, fer chrissakes....

And then there's the people who said yes....some of whom I hadn't originally meant to invite but felt I couldn't NOT invite for fear of hurting their feelings...and so, now, somehow, in the same room on my birthday, shall be (among other reasonably normal sorts):

The gay man who admitted to having a crush on me in college (and it may be ongoing).
My outrageously inappropriate friend from college who couldn't hug me at my first voice teacher's wife's funeral a couple of months ago because she'd just gotten her nipples pierced...because her daughter had just had her first period and she felt OLD. (-!?!?-)
My first voice teacher (no, I haven't told him about the piercing.)
My parents. (MY. PARENTS, people. The same people who created most of the issues I've spent the last five years in therapy trying to overcome.)
My brother, who will wind up being the center of attention...because he IS funnier than I am.
My sister-in-law, who may be upset because I didn't let HER plan the whole shebang (and turn it into a technicolor production worthy of David O. Selznick).
My older brother's occasionally inappropriate partner (no piercings that I know of....or want to).
My ex-husband....and his new wife.
The woman who was my rival for my now ex-boyfriend's affections before he and I officially got together.
And, finally....
My ex-boyfriend (whom, I must admit, I still have feelings for.)

This could get ugly.
Maybe not Jerry Springer ugly....but damn close.

Pray for me.