That'll teach her to mess with a mezzo...

...straight from Facebook...

(Rebelmezzo) Dear Santa, for Christmas I would like the following....1. to miraculously (and permanently) lose twenty more pounds instantly. 2. A month off between now and Friday. 3. A German Shepherd puppy. The milk and cookies are on the table. Thank you. xo, RM
4 hours ago · Comment · Like


DP (her name has been hidden to protect ME: I happen to know for a fact that this woman carries guns and knows how to use them. However, this does not give her license to be a smartass. That's what I'M here for.)

Dear RM: You have been very naughty this year. Unfortunately: 1. Santa cannot help you with the 20 lbs since you keep stuffing cupcakes down your maw...
2. There are only 2.5 days between now and Friday, you went to school you should know that is not a month...
3. The German Shepherd puppy can be found on the internet at many reputable breeders in your area.
4. Santa is a "fictional character" maybe you should look into some anti-psychotics... screw the cookies and milk, give Santa a bottle of Jack Daniels and a Straw... LOL Love ya D :)
3 hours ago · Delete

(RM) Dear Bitchy Elf Intermediary:

Please define 'naughty'. Considering you have considerable experience in this area, I believe you can ceratinly educate me in the finer points of naughtiness.

1. I have not had-or made-cupcakes since September. Perhaps you have me confused with my sister-in-law.
2. Since Santa can haul HIS fat ass around the world in one night, I figure he can stretch the space-time continuum for ME, too.
3. There are many many animals in shelters and rescue societies because this and many other breeds have been so overbred by 'reputable' breeders that health and psychological issues are rampant among shepherds. I don't believe in buying from a breeder when shelters are overloaded--therefore I'd search out a puppy from a German line from a rescue society.
4. Gentle, kind, thoughtful, intelligent, well-mannered, well-groomed straight men are supposed to be fictional characters as well, yet my last boyfriend was all of that--and he could cook, too--so I know that fictional characters DO, in fact, exist.

And screw Santa...the Jack Daniels is MINE.
*middle finger salute*
Love, RM

(See...THIS is what I've been doing instead of blogging! Can you forgive me?)