The Answers To Life, the Universe, and Everything...

I am skidding sideways into yet another birthday, but oh my what a difference from the one I shared with you two years ago! No big party...no worries about whom to invite....no rental plates...no soul-sucking trips to Costco....no exes...no drama whatsoever....ahh. Just a few small celebrations mostly revolving around good food and good friends, nothing too overwhelming. It's nice. I don't feel any pressure to do anything I don't want to--in fact, the older I get, the further I seem to be drifting away from the shore of that overpopulated little island known as "Givesafuckwhatanyonethinksofme"....which, if you knew me and how much of my life so far has been spent bending myself into little pretzel shapes to fit others' expectations...is pretty damn huge, which is why I'm here giving myself an early birthday present--a wee pat on the back.

Medical science claims that, every seven years, every single cell in our bodies--skin, hair, brain, organs, the whole megillah--dies and is replaced. So, essentially, you and I are not the persons we were seven years ago. I'm a big believer in the 'seven-year-cycle' concept-- I truly believe it's possible to completely reinvent-regenerate-rebuild-oneself in a new way.

Let's see....In 2003, I was about to separate from a husband with whom I was not in love (and really shouldn't have married in the first place), about to have my heart broken--truly broken--for the first time (and, may I add, have had it truly broken not once but TWICE since then), had never lived alone, hadn't even been diagnosed for depression yet, had no clue as to who I really was or what I wanted to do, was a very fearful person, sick at heart and in spirit, who had internalized the idea that I was 'not-enough'--not attractive, lovable, intelligent, capable, calm, etc., etc., ad nauseam, enough. I would like to be able to say that I am no longer any of those things, that I am sexy, beautiful, brilliant, capable, centered, ALL of the time.

I'm not there yet.

But I can say those things (at least one of them at a time) MOST of the time. I think that's an improvement.

And I can't WAIT to see what the next seven years' transformation will look like.
RM