Just a Thought:

If a Prius driver is smoking a cigarette...do these cancel each other out?

Curriculum Vitae Du Jour

So, as I mentioned a VERY long time ago (March 2008, to be exact), I'd been feeling rather discontented with the whole opera chorus job and felt that perhaps, money and benefits notwithstanding, it was not a good fit for me. I had also begun to work with other groups and found that they were much more satisfying experiences. I just wanted to give a quick update on my professional status over the past couple of seasons, since I've been concentrating on my personal life so much here....

The year after I was bumped from tenure track and hired only as 'leave replacement', I was bumped yet again, back to extra chorus. It turned out that the tenure-track position had been eliminated entirely, and had been given to a bass-baritone instead.
Then, this year, the final insult....after twelve years, the chorus director saw fit not to hire me at all. In addition, I can't seem to get arrested by any of the local opera companies--and the irony is, I'm singing better than I ever have! Ah, the vagaries of the performer's life....I have to smile when I hear civilians speak of how awful it is to have no job security in this recession--welcome to my world!

Oddly enough, though, I've not been out of work all this time...although I haven't been doing much opera, choral and early music work has filled the opening left by SFO, and has been berry berry good to me. Instead of opera chorus, I've been blessed to be hired with AVE, American Bach Soloists, San Francisco Symphony Chorus, and Philharmonia Baroque (my latest conquest) as a core member, as well as for solo work with Soli Deo Gloria, Marin Oratorio Society, and possibly (I'm waiting to hear back) San Francisco Choral Society, not to mention a church job at St. Dominic's* . Let's see....better pay...more personal satisfaction....a few rehearsals as opposed to weeks of them...no makeup, staging, or costumes to deal with....and much much more stable personalities to boot....I ask you, what's not to like? I think my dissatisfaction may have been specifically with opera, not with singing in general. If I can find more solo work that pays well, and continue to have the luck to be able to sing with the groups I mentioned before, I could be pretty happy with my place in the singing world.



*Yea, even though said church job forces me to be in the same room on a regular basis with the ex-boyfriend....remember him? The universe DOES have a rather sick sense of humor, does it not?

It made me smile.

My neighbors across the street have been spending time with all three of their grown children--two sons and a daughter--who are back home for a visit. The daughter, who is about my age, has a daughter of her own--a winsome five-year-old named Katja with long brown hair and squirrel-bright eyes. When I ran into them a week or so ago while walking my Boxer, Honey, Katja was a little intimidated at first (and I can well understand: it would be rather easy to be intimidated by a dog who can just about look you in the eye!) but soon became quite enchanted by Honey, stroking her soft flanks with both hands while I chatted with her mother and grandmother. In fact, the longer Honey let Katja pet her, the more relaxed and animated she became, informing me with a big smile that she had often seen Honey looking out the window at her from across the street.
"Yes, she does that a lot," I replied. "She likes to have something to look at."
When the conversation ended, we said goodbye, and I forgot all about it--until a couple of mornings ago, when I looked out my window and saw, in the window across the street, a little stuffed animal--looking right back at Honey!

I nearly fell over laughing.

I just wanted to share that with you--it really has nothing to do with singing, but I thought it was a sweet little story. :-)
RM

Errant thought on a lovely Summers' day after spending a day weeding...

There's nothing like having a garden to teach you two things: one, how lovely and delightful it is to create and control some small corner of your world.....and two-just how little control you REALLY have over it.

Grumpy thoughts on Pride

This weekend happens to be Pride weekend here in the city of fog and shadows, and, along with the usual glitter and beer-soaked festivities, there will be the annual Pride parade.

You know what I think?

I think that we shouldn't be having a pride parade.

You know why?
LGBT people shouldn't have to march in the streets to assert their right to BE.
LGBT people shouldn't have to fly a big colorful flag in our faces, ride motorcycles across Market street, or sashay their way in high heels and not much else until they've earned sunburns on body parts not normally exposed to the light of day, to assert their right to love-and marry -whomever they want.
Everyone should be able to feel pride in who they are every single fucking day of the year...and we are not truly a democratic free country as long as that is not the case.

That's all I'm sayin'.
RM
Oh--and you kids, get off'n my f***ing lawn!!

The Answers To Life, the Universe, and Everything...

I am skidding sideways into yet another birthday, but oh my what a difference from the one I shared with you two years ago! No big party...no worries about whom to invite....no rental plates...no soul-sucking trips to Costco....no exes...no drama whatsoever....ahh. Just a few small celebrations mostly revolving around good food and good friends, nothing too overwhelming. It's nice. I don't feel any pressure to do anything I don't want to--in fact, the older I get, the further I seem to be drifting away from the shore of that overpopulated little island known as "Givesafuckwhatanyonethinksofme"....which, if you knew me and how much of my life so far has been spent bending myself into little pretzel shapes to fit others' expectations...is pretty damn huge, which is why I'm here giving myself an early birthday present--a wee pat on the back.

Medical science claims that, every seven years, every single cell in our bodies--skin, hair, brain, organs, the whole megillah--dies and is replaced. So, essentially, you and I are not the persons we were seven years ago. I'm a big believer in the 'seven-year-cycle' concept-- I truly believe it's possible to completely reinvent-regenerate-rebuild-oneself in a new way.

Let's see....In 2003, I was about to separate from a husband with whom I was not in love (and really shouldn't have married in the first place), about to have my heart broken--truly broken--for the first time (and, may I add, have had it truly broken not once but TWICE since then), had never lived alone, hadn't even been diagnosed for depression yet, had no clue as to who I really was or what I wanted to do, was a very fearful person, sick at heart and in spirit, who had internalized the idea that I was 'not-enough'--not attractive, lovable, intelligent, capable, calm, etc., etc., ad nauseam, enough. I would like to be able to say that I am no longer any of those things, that I am sexy, beautiful, brilliant, capable, centered, ALL of the time.

I'm not there yet.

But I can say those things (at least one of them at a time) MOST of the time. I think that's an improvement.

And I can't WAIT to see what the next seven years' transformation will look like.
RM

An Open Letter

Dear Pretentious Overrated Local Opera Company*: if you can't be bothered to email me to notify me when your auditions are, you do not have the right to email me when you need donations or to sell tickets (since, without the income said auditions might have provided, I cannot afford to buy tickets or support your pretentious company). Thank you. Love, RM


*whose senile founder has been sucking the dried-up teat of his reputation for the past twenty years, has been taking advantage of the good will of local musicians while treating--and paying--them like crap, and who cannot even be bothered to list the cast or instrumentalists--you know, the people who are actually doing the show--on the website