So, to fill you in on the events of the past week....
The emails and phone calls began to fly late Saturday, like they do every year about this time, like popcorn--one or two, then a flurry; the extra choristers checking in with each other as the offer letters land in peoples' mailboxes. What did you get? I got two. Kathy, Mark, Michael, and Nicole got three. Paul, Keith, and Delia got two each--yeah, the same ones: Boccanegra and Boris (Gudonov). Corey and Tiffany got no-thank-you letters--can you believe it? I Know--and such good voices, too! You'd think... Did Eileen and Chris get hired back? Yup--and Kevin, too. --But I thought he wasn't auditioning! Yeah, me too, but I guess he did. Did Rachelle finally decide whether to come back or not? Yup--she needs the medical benefits, since her husband doesn't have insurance. Who got Boheme? I dunno--they only ever hire one extra from each section for that anyway--so who got it?--and so on.
I'd already found out--the day before, the chorus administrator had sent me an advance email (it's a courtesy to the regulars on tenure-track or who are about to be hired tenure-track), telling me what my status was.
The GOOD news is, I'm hired back full-time.
The BAD news is, I'm 'leave replacement' only.
What this means is, I'm no longer on track for tenure, with all the medical benefits, etc., that ascribe therefrom--I'm merely filling in for a tenured colleague, with no guarantee of full-time work, or ANY work, for that matter, next year. It's not all bad--there's every chance I could get hired back on tenure-track next year, and at least he hired me full-time; it's not unheard-of for someone to be knocked back to extra chorus (only one or two shows) after being tenure-track. At least I'll have the income, if not the bennies.
I must admit, though, it knocked me back a bit, undermining my confidence as a singer--what? You mean I'm no longer THE ONE?--but once I sat in the corner and sucked my thumb a bit, so to speak, I realized it didn't have a whole lot to do with my talent overall (or the lack thereof!) and everything to do with the fact that I sang while sick--and was arrogant enough to think that that would be enough to maintain my position over those who were perfectly well. Silly me. So, let this be a lesson to you whippersnappers who will go through an audition because you think you HAVE to, no matter your condition--take it from Auntie RM; if you're not feeling well, DON'T SING. It doesn't matter what your history is with a company or a conductor--all they seem to care about is how you sound THAT DAY. It's the only way to ensure a level playing field, I guess--but it IS frustrating that a conductor who's known me, my voice, and my work ethic, for ten years now wouldn't take any of it into consideration when hiring long-term. 'sigh'... Oh well....
And yes, the very next day, my sweetie and I called a time-out in our relationship, so we could both get our poop in a group, so to speak. I don't believe that this is the end; both of us have stated that we want to have the other in our lives, and I believe that we fit too well together for it to end so precipitously (what? Denial? Why, of COURSE I know what that is--it's a river in Egypt, right, mister Twain?). We're supposed to check back in with each other in a couple of weeks; I'll keep you posted.
Surprisingly, I'm not destroyed by the events of the past few days (cue: Elton John, "I'm Still Standing"--no, on second thought, don't. That song annoys the piss out of me.)--I must be the cosmic Weeble--I wobble but don't fall down (ah, those toys from my childhood--who knew they'd have such a strong psychological impact?).
So, kids, keep your chin up. If I can do it, anybody can (OK, OK, with a good therapist and great friends in my corner--but STILL).....
xo
RM
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