I went out into the world today--I had to; the poor pups were out of kibble, and I was out of a few necessities myself. So, off to the pet store and the grocery store. Yes, I wound up breaking the silence, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to complete my transactions (did I THINK to bring my pad and pen with me? NnnooooOOOOoooooo....). My voice sounded odd after four days of absence--barely a whisper, hardly there at all (as if I could mitigate my sin by speaking more quietly?). I scurried back home as soon as I could and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Lord, this is hard--I still don't think I'm used to self-imposed silence, even after several days' practice. Maybe some judiciously applied duct tape....?
At least I could still maintain radio silence while walking the dog; my trick of smiling brightly and mouthing 'Hi' or 'good morning' seems to be working just fine. Too bad I can't keep it up in my interactions beyond the basic greetings...
It's also weird because this whole week doesn't feel so much like a vacation as a lost week--without the structure imposed by my schedule, all of which--even the non-singing parts--include verbalization, I feel a bit at sea, unsure what to do with myself. I keep having thoughts like, "I should be at my voice lesson now", "I would be getting ready for church now", "I'm not downtown right now. Hm. How odd". And then the corollary: "Well.....NOW what?" I feel I should be taking advantage of this unplanned downtime.
And here I am, noodling around on a blog instead. I don't even feel like I've accomplished something by navel-gazing about this, though I'm finally posting more often than once a month.
'sigh'.
:-(
RM
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